Reflections

So.   My sister was killed.  My sister was killed and I went to the park today and watched my family play.  That's all I could think about was the fact that Liz is gone...struck dead in a crazy accident and I went to the park and pushed my daughter while she screamed in delight to touch the sky.   And it was a beautiful day too.  Perfect day for the park.  And my sister is gone now.

 The past couple of days....they've been crazy.   The night I found out, I couldn't sleep at all.  I sat there, almost feeling empty.  I played Mario Kart 8, just to have something to focus on, to help try to distract me, but it didn't work.... My oldest sister was gone.  All the jokes she and I shared, came flooding back me to me in memory, but it wasn't real yet, she wasn't gone.  It wasn't until yesterday morning when her name was listed in numerous articles.  I probably read them all.  I looked up the man who killed her, Shawn Doolan, and while I'm mad that his bond was set so low, and mad that he's already out....I'm not really mad at him.  Isn't that weird?  I probably will be when this feeling of shock wears off.  But I know he didn't wake up Tuesday morning intending to kill her...to kill anyone.   It wasn't cold or calculated.  It was an accident.  Maybe my feelings on this will change as the reality really sinks in....  I don't know.   Waiting to hear word on when her funeral is.  Going down to NC as soon as possible....hopefully on Saturday, but if not Sunday.